I’ve written several posts on Matthew’s transition from childhood to adulthood and what it’s like considering his special needs. Matthew is growing up even though it doesn’t look the same as it does for other young adults. So we adjust where
we need to and create our own road map as we go.
The challenge is, how to give him as much independence as he wants and he can handle.
These two are not always the same.
For example, Matthew remembers what he sees (everything he sees!) and knows his way around town. He is an experienced SMAT bus rider and has been all over town with his class in High School and at Hill House. When he wanted to start riding the bus to and from home and we all (family and IEP Team) felt he was ready. It’s a straight shot, no transfers, from the bus stop by Hill House to our house so we started with the ride home. Tod, his instructor, had ridden the route with him and then Matthew walked him to our house to show him he knew the way. Then Tod watched from his car a couple of times as Matthew went to the bus stop on his own and got on the bus. Tod called me to tell me he was on the bus and when Matthew got home, he called Tod to tell him he had arrived.
We know the buses can be a bit unreliable so Matthew doesn’t always arrive home at the same time. He can walk in the door any time between 3:15 and 3:45 but he’s never later than that. He has a cell phone and has been told to call if the bus leaves late. Sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn’t. So I’ll call him periodically to check in and he’s always fine.
All went very smoothly for a few weeks.
Then one day Matthew was late. I called him but he didn’t answer. I texted him, no response. I called again and still no answer. I called his Dad to see if I had forgotten some change in plans. Nope, no change.
I opened the front door to go out to the bus stop thinking that maybe others were waiting and the bus was just really late, when Matthew walked up. We were having an unusual streak of hot weather and he was sweating like he had just run a 10K.
He told me the bus had run out of gas so he had to walk home about ⅔ of the way. Excuse me? I know the bus didn’t run out of gas but it must have stopped for a prolonged period of time. Matthew just thought to himself, well, the bus has stopped and I need to get home so he got out and walked.
I’m glad he is so resourceful, well, kinda glad, sometimes.
When something doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to he usually comes up with his own Plan B. The problem is that he doesn’t think about creating a Plan B that involves anyone else. He didn’t think, OK, I need to call Mom and let her know what’s going on. He doesn’t think “outside himself”. He just figured out what to do on his own. I really don’t have a problem with this, except it was so hot and he didn’t have any water. If we were having “normal” weather and he said he wanted to walk, I would have said OK. I would know his route and about how long it should take him. As it was, I expected him to be on the bus and if he hadn’t shown up and I had to go find him, I would have been contacting the bus company, not looking for him to be walking.
The point is that he can take care of himself. But he’s not so good at communicating so I know when something unexpected has happened. And that’s not a good thing. So we have two new rules – 1. He calls everyday when he gets on the bus. 2. He calls everyday when he gets off the bus and is walking home. I know if something happens to change this routine he may or may not call. But I also know that if he doesn’t call within that window of time, then something is up. It helps to narrow things down a bit.
My “Mom Gene” has been on overdrive trying to balance letting him be as independent as possible and still keeping him safe.
